How to make a Monster
by Amtrack
Summary: The galaxy always shows Ardat-Yakshi as threats, as dangers to others, but it's the same old story. By rejecting them and hunting them, your force them to become exactly what you fear in order to survive.


_This is the story of my ex, actually. She wrote to me, a story she wanted everyone to see. To be honest, I almost burned it out of spite. We didn't part well, but… Back on topic. Lara's an Asari; one of the blue-skinned humanoids with swept-back cartilage tentacles instead of hair. They've got a brand of glowy blue telekinesis called Biotics and they mate weirdly, in a sort of mind-meld… bond thing, as well as physical sex. Lara was a special kind of Asari. The letter she sent me has more details._

 _For now, know that her sister was in her five hundreds when everything started, and Lara was barely a hundred. For an Asari, that's hardly even an adult._

Humans sometimes say that monsters aren't born; they're made. I don't like the word 'monster', myself. It's too poorly defined. A monster can be a creature created from a test tube, a modified recreation of something that already exists, or a product of evolution people just don't like to look at. That's not even getting into the people who are called monsters. It's such a subjective term. Does a monster think differently? Or do they simply lack the standard moral code? People with differing morals often call each other monsters. I've come to hate that word. Monsters don't exist, not objectively anyway. Monsters belong to the narrow-minded; they are monsters only to those who can't comprehend or refuse to accept their existence or way of being. If I had to define monsters, it would be those people. I would apply the word to one sort of person and one only: The monsters of the galaxy are those who would harm others for their mere existence. The ones who apply that same word to me.

I write this, dear Tara, well if I'm honest it's to give myself closure. I don't know what's going to happen tomorrow, and I don't want to die with regrets. Besides, I refuse to just let this happen. I refuse to let it keep happening. My kind have been given the choice between being murdered or isolated for far too long just because of what might happen, who we might become. Then they hunt us, drive us to become what they fear so they can justify their treatment of us. I know you must have no love left for me, but please… Make my story known, Tara. And maybe, it can also serve as an apology. You never deserved what I did to you.

But no one's prepared to learn their love kills.

"My little sister's growing up!" Levara scooped me into her arms the night before it happened. My half-sister, she was so proud of me. I had a girlfriend all my own, and that night was going to be special. We were going to spend our first night together, we were both ready. Sure human lives are brief, living to barely a hundred and thirty next to an Asari's thousand years, but neither of us cared. We had laughed off the issue. Maybe if I hadn't killed her, we would have had a serious talk. It doesn't matter anymore. Shia was my first serious infatuation. Was it love? I don't know anymore. You would have liked her though. She was smart, funny, pretty… And when I woke up the next day? She was gone.

"Shia?" She wasn't waking. I shook her, I got scared and even slapped her a few times before I saw she wasn't breathing. "Oh goddess…" I panicked. I broke down. I didn't know what to do so I called my sister. Levara dropped everything to come see me. She always was a great sister, ready to do whatever it was she thought you needed. But then we learned I was something called an Ardat Yakshi. When we mate, it isn't a gentle melding with our partner. My mind overpowered Shia's, and she died of brain haemorrhaging. The effect is narcotic, and it also makes us stronger. Levara, my dearest sister, wanted me to flee into isolation as per Asari tradition. Ardat Yakshi must isolate themselves… or be killed. We're a danger to society, or so the tales go. I was not a danger! I was a scared little girl! So I ran. I killed my first person, then I ran from society's judgement. All I wanted was to live. I didn't want to be locked up for being what I am.

I fled to Omega. It's a huge, hollowed out asteroid with a mining complex for starship fuel. It's also one of the galaxies cesspits, but I didn't know where else to go. I had no marketable skills, and no experience with the galaxy as a whole. Omega was the best, and worst choice possible for me. On Omega I met a girl.

I didn't call Omega a cesspit for nothing. I hated the place, and within a week of arriving I was running for my life, then everything changed for the second time in my life. Four shots. In front of me was a human girl. She was small, with dirty blonde hair, and had a gun pointed at my chest. Behind me, my four would-be attackers lay dead. Then she lowered the gun, and her smile was radiant.  
"Hey," she said. "I'm Janey. Who're you?"

Her home, if you could call it that, was a hole in the ground. She had a hidden door that led to a small room with a single bed and a storage cabinet. She stowed what credits and weapons my attackers had been carrying and gave me the bed she had tucked in the corner. She was the one person who made my life bearable. I think I grew to love her. As for my condition… It takes more than one feeding to get addicted. The hunger was there, but I controlled it. Hell, after a year on Omega, I was feeling pretty good. I had everything bottled up inside. I was, to anyone who bothered to look, a normal person. That's when Levara arrived.

An important part of Asari culture are these people called Justicars. They are essentially religious warriors dedicated to their cause of justice. It's not something I have a problem with, except their solution to everything seems to be to kill someone. Well there's that and the fact that their other purpose is hunting Ardat Yakshi, no matter what. Because of course anyone who runs must be addicted to murder! Wanting to live our own lives can't have _anything_ to do with it. Well, no prizes for guessing what Levara had done.

I almost didn't recognise her when she appeared on the docks. Janey let me know there was an Asari asking after someone of my description, so I went to meet her as Janey kept an eye out. Levara had changed more in the past year than she had in the hundred before it. Guess joining an order dedicated to locking up your own sister can do that to you.

"It's good to see you." she said. I'll always remember the way she said that. Her voice was so dead, so cold... but I could hear the relief in her voice. It was faint, but I knew her well enough to know it was there. So relieved... that I couldn't kill anyone else. She got two more words. "The Monastary-" then I slammed her with a biotic blast strong enough to send her through a wall and ran. I don't know how long I ran, but I lost her. I don't think she expected me to attack her like that, but I didn't want to hear how nice my prison would be.

I had to get off Omega, and Janey was coming with me. We'd been together for a year and I wasn't about to leave her behind in that place. Janey ran recon while I stayed in hiding. We couldn't risk Levara seeing me before we stole her ship. Janey planned so cautiously as well, but when the day came… I messed up. I let Levara see me. I only escaped thanks to Janey. She had palmed the ships security codes the week before, and after she threw them at me she just… opened fire. I heard the gunshots. I saw the blue glow of Levara's biotics and there was a crunch and then… nothing. I had the ship gone before Levara could reach me, but that's the day I learned what they would do. They don't care about anything but their twisted definition of justice. They will kill anyone to get to us. Levara was so much stronger than me, she always had been, but I knew how to get stronger. I know I'm no hero, but I at least deserved a chance at life! Janey didn't deserve to die for trying to save me! So I started to feed. I killed people, and I became the monster they had decided I was.

Tara, when I met you, it was like meeting Janey all over again. I was killing again by that point, so the times we had together… You always deserved better than me. I thought I could control myself, but by then… I couldn't resist, and I couldn't live with myself if I killed you. That's what happened to Tina. She always did like me and I betrayed that trust. I don't know if it's any consolation, but she died the most pleasurable death I can think of. Then I fled out into the night without even a goodbye and now you know I'm a killer and if I had stayed… I thought I had done enough damage.

I'm addicted now, and have been for a long time. I can't go too long without feeding, or I suffer from withdrawal. If someone's nearby and I haven't fed then I can hardly hold myself back long enough for symptoms to set in and I can't afford that. Maybe, when the Justicars are dead, I can deal with myself. But I want it known that I _chose_ to do this, and I wasn't driven by any urge to kill. I was living happily before Levara came. I chose this because I want justice, because I want revenge against the monsters who murder and call it my fault for not submitting! I sent a message to Levara a week ago. She should be arriving soon.


End file.
